Man And His Family: A Biblical Perspective

            There is a certain role that the man is to fulfill in his family. More and more though, the world is trying to do away with God’s plan for the home. It says that there is no plan, that we have no special roles to fulfill. Books, papers, movies, classroom, and TV have all become platforms for educators and other influential leaders to try and erase God’s plan for the home. They are even trying to redefine marriage so that it will be legally recognized as not just between a man and a woman! It is important for us to know what the Bible says so that we can follow God’s plan for the home, and not societies. Specifically, this lesson is going to be focusing on man and his family from a biblical perspective.

The Biblical Measure of a Man Involves More Than Just His Gender

A person who is a man by gender, is not necessarily a man according to his role as designated by God. Just because a person may be a male, does not make him a man. The Bible teaches us that there are certain ways that a man is to behave; there is a certain way that he is to live; and there is a certain way that he is to be a husband and a father, if he is blessed with a wife and children, but he does not fill these roles, on the day that he is measured up against the weight and measure of mankind—the Bible—he will be found wanting. The One who created man, made him a man in body already, but God wants him to be more than that, He intended for him to be a man with respect to the various roles and activities he has to fulfill in this life as a man. 

In our effort this evening to study the biblical view of man and his family, it is important for us to know what a man is. Sure, there is the worldly, humanistic view of man, with origins and roles in life that are drastically different from those of the Bible, but that is not what we are currently interested in. Before a person can accurately understand the biblical view of a man and his role in the family, he must first understand the biblical view of a man. God’s plan for the family included a man, not just someone who can say “I do” and father children, but someone who will fulfill the role of a husband and a father the way that God intended from the beginning.

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” On the sixth day of creation he said,

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. And God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Gen. 1:26-27)

Man was created with intent and purpose. He is not an accident that just sort of happened. If man evolved and was not designed according to any plan, then it would be fair to take the humanist point of view that says that man has no certain role to fulfill in life since he is only here as a result of chance and natural selection to begin with. But man did not evolve; the Bible tells us that he was created with design and purpose in mind. The designer is God, and man’s purpose in life is what God has purposed for him, not what he purposes for himself. So, the man of any family, if we are to look at it according to the Bible, is one created in the image of God; he has God to look to for his purpose for being here and for his intended role in life. A man is not free to just fill any role any way that he pleases. He must fulfill the role of a man according to God. The man of the Bible is created.

            The man of the Bible is someone whose strength is God.

For the Chief Musician. Maschil of David; when Doeg the Edomite came and told Saul, and said unto him, David is come to the house of Abimelech.>> Why boastest thou thyself in mischief, O mighty man? The lovingkindness of God endureth continually. Thy tongue deviseth very wickedness, Like a sharp razor, working deceitfully. Thou lovest evil more than good, And lying rather than to speak righteousness. Selah Thou lovest all devouring words, thou deceitful tongue. God will likewise destroy thee for ever; He will take thee up, and pluck thee out of thy tent, And root thee out of the land of the living. Selah The righteous also shall see it, and fear, And shall laugh at him, saying, Lo, this is the man that made not God his strength, But trusted in the abundance of his riches, And strengthened himself in his wickedness. But as for me, I am like a green olive-tree in the house of God: I trust in the lovingkindness of God for ever and ever. I will give thee thanks for ever, because thou hast done it; And I will hope in thy name, for it is good, in the presence of thy saints. (Ps. 52:1-9)

That’s where a man’s strength is; it’s in God. A man’s wealth does not make him strong, and a man’s power, prestige, or physical strength does not make him strong either. A man without God, no matter what else may be said of him, is spiritually weak.

            Something that we find present among godly men of the Bible is courage. Think about it. What about the courage of David against Goliath, or the Philistines? What about Elijah up against the 450 prophets of Baal? The apostles must have had tremendous courage to do the things that they did. Our Lord knew exactly what was going to be done to him, he knew what he faced, how much courage do you think it required of Him to face all of that and allow it to happen? In First Kings chapter 2, we find David lying upon his deathbed, and it says, “Now the days of David drew nigh that he should die; and he charged Solomon his son, saying, I am going the way of all the earth: be thou strong therefore, and show thyself a man” (v. 1-2).

            A man is a created being who was formed from the dust of the earth, and who one day will return to the earth (Gen. 2:7; Eccl. 12:7). He is a specially created being, with intent, purpose, and design, all behind his being here. He is someone responsible for fulfilling the role in life given to him by his Creator. In short, he is responsible for being a man; a man whose strength is God and whose character affords him the courage necessary to face every trial of life without compromising his faith or responsibilities as a man of God. The kind of man needed in any family is this kind of man. We will see as we continue this lesson that the man is to be the head of the house and the leader of the family, but if he is not willing to govern his own actions and behave as a man of God, recognizing his own role in life, then he is never going to be the leader of his family that God wants him to be; it just won’t happen! Before we go on and discuss the man and his wife, we must first be clear about the kind of man that we are talking about. It is a godly man.

Now that we have found our biblical man, we are ready to see what the Bible says about him and his wife if he marries.

The Biblical Man and His Wife

Marriage is not a man-made institution. If it were something that man came up with, then it would be something that man could alter and change, but since God instituted marriage, and not man, God tells us what marriage is and what it is not; He designed, He instituted it, and it is His laws that govern it. So when it comes to man’s role as a husband, man doesn’t decide what that role is, it is defined by God. Going all the way back to Genesis chapter 2, beginning with verse 18, it says,

And Jehovah God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. And out of the ground Jehovah God formed every beast of the field, and every bird of the heavens; and brought them unto the man to see what he would call them: and whatsoever the man called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And the man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the heavens, and to every beast of the field; but for man there was not found a help meet for him. And Jehovah God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof: and the rib, which Jehovah God had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Gen. 2:18-24)

            The husband is to view marriage as a permanent relationship. When a man says to his wife, “I do,” he is telling her that he will love her, cherish her, and be with her and there for her in every way that a husband is supposed to be. “For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do they part,” that is what he has told his spouse that he will fulfill. Not only that, but he has told God the same thing and agreed to his terms for marriage. God is third party to any scriptural marriage, and “what therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mt. 19:6). Marriage is a lifelong commitment.

            An elder of the church told me not real long ago that a person can be divorced for any reason; they just can’t get married again! I still can’t believe it. We need to be reading our Bibles brethren. “…Let not man put asunder” means don’t do it. “For I hate putting away, saith Jehovah, the God of Israel” (Mal. 2:16).

Or are ye ignorant, brethren (for I speak to men who know the law), that the law hath dominion over a man for so long time as he liveth? For the woman that hath a husband is bound by law to the husband while he liveth; but if the husband die, she is discharged from the law of the husband. So then if, while the husband liveth, she be joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if the husband die, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress, though she be joined to another man (Ro. 7:1-3).

“For the woman that hath a husband is bound by law to the husband while he liveth”; and the same principle applies for the man. But, we can’t let our feelings get in the way of understanding and doing what the Bible teaches. If the innocent of fornication spouse wishes to divorce and/or remarry, he is free to do that (Mt. 19:9); if one dies, the other is no longer bound to him and is freed from that marriage (Ro. 7:1-2); if an unbelieving spouse leaves, the believer is to let him go (1 Cor. 7:15), but the point of the “one flesh” relationship is that they are no longer two, but one, and are to remain that way for life. 

            The husband is to be faithful to his own wife. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 5:15-19,

Drink waters out of thine own cistern, And running waters out of thine own well. Should thy springs be dispersed abroad, And streams of water in the streets? Let them be for thyself alone, And not for strangers with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed; And rejoice in the wife of thy youth. As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; And be thou ravished always with her love (Pr. 5:15-19).

Paul said in First Corinthians,

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. But, because of fornications, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife her due: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. (7:1-3)

            The husband is to love and cherish his wife.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his own wife loveth himself: for no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as Christ also the church. (Eph. 5:25-29)

The husband is the head of the wife.

Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ also is the head of the church, being himself the saviour of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything. (Eph. 5:22-23)

Notice though, that I put this after all of those other things. When the man under consideration is a godly man, or a man as defined by the Bible, and he is a husband who is fulfilling the biblical role of the husband, who is faithful to her, fully committed to her, and who loves and cherishes her as he should, then he will not be hitting her, saying things that are insensitive and degrading to her, neglecting her, or trying to treat her as his servant; those are not the qualities of a man! Many see this as a bad thing, but its really not, if the man is what he should be, just the opposite is true. When a man calls his wife his “better half,” that’s exactly what she is and he should not just be saying that, but treating her like that as well. Peter said, “Ye husbands, in like manner, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman, as unto the weaker vessel” (1 Pet. 3:7). Give “honor unto the woman.” What do you do with something highly precious and valuable, but that is also physically of a more delicate quality? You appreciate and admire it, but you also take extra precautions to make sure that nothing bad is going to happen to it; you put yourself, even, between it and danger. Except for God, whom should we cherish and love more than our wives? Peter said, “honor her, and guard her as the weaker vessel.”

            Well, now we have man as God would have him to be, and we have seen him as the husband God would have him to be, now lets see what kind of Father God would have him to be.

The Biblical Man and His Family

            The father is to be a provider for his family. Now, we all know what that means physically (cf. Mt. 7:9-11), but there is more to providing for a child than putting clothes on his back and food in his stomach. Even Jesus said, “Is not the life more than the food, and the body than the raiment?” (Mt. 6:25). A child also has spiritual needs that his parents are responsible for providing for. Ephesians 6:4 says, “ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord.” A father is responsible, or in other words, is told to bring up his children, as we sometimes say today, “in the church.” He is to discipline and teach his child, bringing them up in the Lord, and as the head of the household, he is to be taking the lead in that effort. Notice what the Bible says about one of the qualifications of an elder:

The bishop therefore must be…one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (but if a man knoweth not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?). (1 Ti. 3:2a, 4-5)

            The father is to be a protector of his family. Jesus once said of a man protecting his home, “But know this, that if the master of the house had known in what hour the thief was coming, he would have watched, and not have left his house to be broken through” (Lk. 12:39).

            The father is to be the leader of his family; he is to be the pillar of strength for the family; and a very big part of leading is getting out front and leading the way. Leading does not mean that you get behind people and bark orders at them. I’ve seen a little dog the size of a cat bark and carry on as if he was something a whole lot more fearsome, but I doubt he could have done more than give you a little pinch on the ankle in reality. Standing around giving orders is not leading, and probably won’t get you real far either. You can get behind a string or rope and try to push it all day long, but about all you’re going to end up with is a big, tangled up mess. But, if you get out in front of that same piece of rope and lead the way, pulling it behind you, what happens? It falls into place and follows. A leader leads the way so that others can follow. That’s why it’s called leading.

            I also heard someone say once, “Being a leader is a demonstration, not a proclamation.” I like that, because it is so true. If someone has to keep reminding others that he is the leader; that just means that he really isn’t the leader. Leadership is not a proclamation it’s a demonstration.

            When fathers are really the leaders of their families, they aren’t just teaching their families to do as they say, but to follow their example of what to do. They are out front, setting the pace for the rest of the family.

Joshua was this type of father, and we see him demonstrating that in Joshua 24:14-15:

Now therefore fear Jehovah, and serve him in sincerity and in truth; and put away the gods which your fathers served beyond the River, and in Egypt; and serve ye Jehovah. And if it seem evil unto you to serve Jehovah, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve Jehovah.

Conclusion

            We haven’t even come close to saying all that could be said on this subject. I have gone back and forth on weather or not to split it up. Maybe I should have, I don’t know. An entire lesson, or even lessons, perhaps, could be given on each on of these points all by themselves. Not that I would be qualified for such an in-depth study, necessarily, but the material is certainly there. So this lesson has be no means been an exhaustive study on the matter; it may even qualify, only as an introduction to it. But, if I have at least shown to you that there is a biblical view of man and his family that is very different from the secular view; that he is to be a man according to the biblical definition of a man; that he is to be a husband according to the biblical definition of a husband; and that he is to be a father according to the biblical definition of a father; then a foundation has been laid for further study on these matters and this study has been worth while.

(Much of this lesson has been adapted from: "The Biblical View Of Man As The Leader Of His Family". Do You Understand The Biblical View Of Man? Sain Publications: Pulaski, TN. 2008. 259)