The Fine Art Of Forgetting

            Most of the time when you look up a word in the dictionary, you will find that it has more than one meaning, and to determine the exact meaning of a word usually depends on the way that it is used in a sentence. If I say the word blue, do I mean I someone is feeling blue, that something is blue like a smurf, or the past-tense of blow (It sounds the same when spoken)? If we were to look up the word “forget” in the dictionary, we would find that it also has more than one meaning. Sometimes, it is a good thing to “forget.” Whether something is good to forget about or not all depends on the way that it’s used.

            A lot of the time, when I use the word “forget” it’s because I can’t remember something. I am always forgetting names, dates, and where I have set something down. Whenever I go and set my glasses down somewhere different than usual, it usually means trouble for me the next time that I need them because I normally forget what I’ve done with them and I can’t see to find them when I look for them. That would be one of those times when forgetfulness can be a bad thing. That is not, however, the way that we are going to be using it in this lesson. There is another way that we can forget that is actually good and desirable. There is a way of forgetting that takes out the unnecessary things from our minds that are going to pull us down or be a hindrance to us. If our lives were some type of script, or story that had been written out, this type of forgetting would be like taking the pen of wisdom and scratching out all of those words that are out of place, or just unnecessary, and getting rid of them. We don’t want extra words just kind of floating around in the text of our lives that are going to hurt it. So, the right kind of forgetting determines what thoughts we will allow to remain in our hearts. For this reason, it has been said, “forgetting is one of the fine arts of living at one’s best.”

            According to James Hastings, all the virtues, vices, and qualities of mental and moral life may be defined in terms of forgetting and remembering. He said,

Selfishness is forgetting others in over-remembering self. Worry is the inability to forget the troubles that may never happen. Honor is remembered high standards made evident in acts. Anger is the explosion of an overheated memory. Forgiveness is the heart’s forgetfulness of an injury. Ingratitude is the heart’s forgetfulness of a favor. Habit is the memory of acts making repetition easier. Mercy is the memory of human weakness tempering justice. Envy is forgetting one’s own possessions in over-remembering those of others. Influence is the remembered acts of one inspiring the acts of others. Patience is forgetting petty troubles along the way in concentrating thought on the goal. Love is the heart’s sweetest memories shrined in another.

            Unfortunately, even though we may know that it is good to forget about some things, and even acknowledge it, we don’t always do that. Instead of benefiting from forgetting, the memory sometimes hoards the things that ought to be thrown away, and diligently treasures the things that need to be forgotten. In this lesson, we want to consider some things that we ought always to remember, and then consider some things that we ought to forget.

(I) Some Things We Ought Not To Forget

            While there are many things that we would do well to forget about, there are also things that we need to remember. The question arises, then, what things to I remember and what sort of things do I go ahead and forget about? We don’t want to forget about the things we need to remember, or remember the things that we need to forget. Let’s look at some things, first, that we don’t want to forget. This list isn’t going to include everything that we will want to remember, like where set our glasses, but will be a short list of some key items for you to consider with me.

            (1) We want to remember our debts of gratitude, those we owe our fellow man, and those we owe to God. When our fellow man shows kindness to us, we should remember to be grateful. When you loan someone something, or help them move, or bring them some cookies or something, What is the one thing that you want in return most of the time? It’s not money, and it isn’t some sort of recognition or something like that. All you want in return for your help is a “thank you”, and maybe a willingness to return the favor in the future if it is ever needed, whether by yourself or someone else. When that gratitude is missing or forgotten, don’t we normally consider that to be wrong? We should not forget to say “thank you”. And, by the way, even if we are grateful, if we never say it or show it in some way, those to whom thanks is owed won’t know it. It is important to remember to not just be grateful, but also that we communicate that some how.

            In Genesis 40 we find an instance of someone forgetting the debt of gratitude that he owed to Joseph. After Joseph had been put into prison because of  Potifar’s wife saying that he was trying to sleep with her, Pharaoh’s chief cupbearer and baker were also cast into the same prison. While they were there, the baker and cupbearer each had a dream one night that no one was able to interpret, so Joseph asked them to tell him their dreams. When the cupbearer told Joseph his dream, he told him what it meant and said,

But have me in thy remembrance when it shall be well with thee, and show kindness, I pray thee, unto me, and make mention of me unto Pharaoh, and bring me out of this house: for indeed I was stolen away out of the land of the Hebrews: and here also have I done nothing that they should put me into the dungeon. (Gen. 40:14)

He also heard the dream of the baker and interpreted his dream. The baker was hanged according to his dream, but when the cupbearer was taken out of the prison and restored to his former position, do you think he remembered the gratitude that he owed to Joseph? The last chapter of Genesis 40 tells us, “Yet did not the chief butler remember Joseph, but forgat him.”

            Two years go by and the cupbearer still hasn’t remembered Joseph (cf. Gen. 41:1). Then, Pharaoh had a dream and wanted to know what it meant. Finally, when no one could tell him what it meant, the cupbearer remembered Joseph. I wonder why, all of a sudden, he remembered. Could it be that he saw nothing to gain by remembering before, but now that he sees an opportunity, now that he can, perhaps, advance himself by helping out Pharaoh, he remembers Joseph? Sometimes our memory can be improved by outside influences. “Then spake the chief butler unto Pharaoh, saying, I do remember my faults this day” (Gen. 41:9).

            There’s an old proverb that says that creditors have better memories than debtors. Those to whom a debt is owed seem to remember it a whole lot better than those who owe it. Haven’t you found that to be true? What does that tell us? A lot of times, we remember what we choose to remember. What is the motivation for our forgetting or for our remembering? When the cupbearer saw nothing to gain by remembering Joseph, he didn’t, as soon as it seemed beneficial for him to remember, he did. That also reflected the selfishness of the cupbearer. Gratitude should have moved him to tell Pharaoh about Joseph two years before selfish ambition did.

            We should also remember the debt of gratitude we owe to God, not just when we want Him to do something more for us, but because we remember all that He has already done for us. Psalm 103:1-5 says,

Bless Jehovah, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless Jehovah, O my soul, And forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; Who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from  destruction; Who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth  thy desire with good things, So that thy youth is renewed like the eagle.

Of every being that exists, there is none who has done more, or even nearly as much as, God. But, how many times do we forget to be thankful to Him? Far more than He is owed, I guarantee it! Let a person think back over the last year and see which experiences stand out more in his mind. Would it be the countless mercies that we continue to enjoy each and every day, or the disappointments, sufferings, and injuries, which he has had to endure? He can have fifty-two weeks of perfect health, but one week of illness, and that one week will likely stand out a whole lot more in his memory than those other fifty-two. That just seems to be a human tendency.

            We can be so blessed by God with so many blessings, and for so long, that over that period of time, our hearts can become hardened and we can start taking those blessings for granted. We begin to feel as if that’s just the way it is and forget that all of those things are not automatic, those blessings don’t just happen, someone has to be giving us those things. How would we feel if the stars stopped shining for ten years, then, all of a sudden, they began to shine again? We would probably appreciate them a whole lot more then, than we do today. The same thing can be said of every blessing from God, spiritual or otherwise.

            (2) We want to remember the good that we hear.

For if any one is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a mirror: for he beholdeth himself, and goeth away, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. But he that looketh into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and so continueth, being not a hearer that forgetteth but a doer that worketh, this man shall be blessed in his doing. (Jas. 1:23-25)

When we hear the gospel, we’re not supposed to forget what we’ve just heard and continue on the same way that we were going before, but we should remember and do those things that we have heard. Otherwise, what’s the point in hearing only to forget what we’ve heard? It would make no more sense than looking into a mirror, only to walk away and forget what we’ve seen.

            (3) We want to remember the cleansing from our old sins. In Second Peter the first chapter, Peter is speaking to Christians, so they will already have faith, and he tells us to add to that faith,

virtue; and in your virtue knowledge; and in your knowledge self-control; and in your self-control patience; and in your patience godliness; and in your godliness brotherly kindness; and in your brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, they make you to be not idle nor unfruitful unto the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he that lacketh these things is blind, seeing only what is near, having forgotten the cleansing from his old sins.  (verses 5-9)

We cannot think about being cleansed from our old sins without thinking about Christ on that cross; they are inseparably linked! “For I delivered unto you first of all that which also I received: that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures” (1 Cor. 15:3); “Because Christ also suffered for sins once, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God; being put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit” (1 Pet. 3:18); “but if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanseth us from all sin” (1Jo 1:7). So, when we remember that we have been cleansed from all sin and redeemed by the atoning death of Christ upon the cross, it should move us in the direction of obedience. But, if a person forgets about that, he will soon be found lacking in moral enthusiasm, will sink into indifference, and will eventually become contented with the unclean ways and fashions of the world. We want to remember the cleansing from our old sins.

            Now that we have looked at “some things that we ought not to forget”, let’s look at…

(II) Some Things We Ought To Forget

(1) One thing that we should make a conscious effort to forget is our personal injuries; wrongs that we feel that others have done to us. That feeling of being injured by someone is constantly aggravated by remembering and reminding ourselves of them. When we are wronged, it doesn’t feel good and those negative feelings can very easily turn into more negative feelings and emotions, and if left unchecked, they can even turn into negative actions very quickly. The longer we hold onto and harbor the memory of something like that, the worse it usually gets; it doesn’t feel any better the longer we think about it. When we just sit and go over that again and again in our minds, it’s just like waving a fan in front of a flame. And, what happens when you fan a flame? It grows and consumes more and more and more. The worse part about it being the fact that what’s being consumed by that fire is usually not going to be the things of the one we’re angry with, but it consumes the things that are in our own house, not his! If we keep on fanning those flames, it might not be that long before our self-respect begins to be burned up by those flames. We might burn up our self-control, then our kindness and gentleness. If we hold onto those memories long enough, and burn up enough of ourselves and who we are, all because of what someone else has done, even our conscience can become seared. On top of that, whom have we hurt in the process? Not the other person, chances are that he has forgotten all about it, but we are hurting ourselves! Not only that, but also, these types of things tend to build up and accumulate over time, which only compounds the problem. We need to make up our minds that we will forget about our injuries and let them go. We have to decide that we aren’t going to destroy ourselves because of things that other people do to us.  

When we hold onto these memories, it doesn’t just have the potential of inflicting moral damages upon us, but what an uncomfortable guest the memory of injuries is to entertain! As long as we keep reminding ourselves of these things, they just keep us in a ruffled and feverish mood so that we are always grumpy and upset; no matter what it is that we are doing, we’re still not happy; and even God can become eclipsed in our lives because of the abiding misery that we are holding onto. I’m not suggesting that we become a door-mate for everyone and their brother to walk all over, nor am I suggesting that we automatically forgive everyone of every wrong without them asking for our forgiveness (not even God forgives without us asking Him to first), what I am saying is this: when we are wronged, we should deal with it appropriately and when it is over, consider it to be over in our minds as well and move on, if we don’t, we are only hurting ourselves.

(2) We should forget the things from our past that is going to hinder the present. The apostle Paul had a lot of things in his past, before he was converted, that could have paralyzed him in his work, but instead of remembering those things from his past, he said, “forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before, I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13-14). Sometimes, it can be hard for us to forgive ourselves for things that we may have done in the past, and that God has already forgiven. If we have been forgiven, then why go back and dig up something that God has already buried? There are enough things now, and will be in the future, to disturb us, without going to the past and bringing up things that we’ve already been forgiven for.

We can be weakened by the remembrance of some failure. When I was playing little league soccer as a child, I played on defense very aggressively, until one game when a player on the other team was heading right for our goal and about to score. So I gave it all I had and was going to kick the ball out of bounds and give the rest of my team a chance to get down to that end of the field. The only problem was, that I didn’t kick the ball the way that I wanted to and it sailed into the upper corner of my own goal! I was humiliated; I was done playing soccer right at that moment. Every time I remembered scoring a goal for the other team, and what that felt like, it made me want to quite. When I did play, I was so timid that I would hope that someone else would go after the ball so that I wouldn’t have to get it and mess up again. In time, though, the memories of that day faded and my confidence came back so that I could enjoy playing soccer again and go after the ball.

Failure doesn’t just hinder someone on the soccer field, though, the same thing can happen to us in whatever we’re doing if we can’t stop dwelling on the memory of some failure. How many times did Peter fail? Many, and yet, each time he did, he repented and continued on. He failed big time when he denied the Lord those three times before the cock crowed. The memory of that night could have paralyzed him spiritually, for the rest of his life, but it didn’t. One of the things that people often associate with Peter is his tendency to mess up, but he also remained one of the most zealous people in serving God that we read about in our Bibles. He didn’t let his failures of the past, hinder his successes in the future.

(3) We should forget the lower for the higher, or the claims of earth and self for the claims of Christ. Would we exchange diamonds for pebbles, or gold for a grain of sand? Why, then, exchange a home in heaven above to make this world our home? The things of this earth do not compare to what awaits us over there.

If then ye were raised together with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated on the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are upon the earth. For ye died, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, shall be manifested, then shall ye also with him be manifested in glory. (Col. 3:1-4)

Don’t exchange diamonds for pebbles, but forget about the pebbles, and hold on to your diamonds. Forget about the allurements of this world, and set your heart upon the things above.

            There was a time when Saul of Tarsus was at the top of Jewish society; he had it all, but he forgot those things for the things of Christ. He said,

Though I myself might have confidence even in the flesh: if any other man thinketh to have confidence in the flesh, I yet more: circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee; as touching zeal, persecuting the church; as touching the righteousness which is in the law, found blameless. Howbeit what things were gain to me, these have I counted loss for Christ. Yea verily, and I count all things to be loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but refuse, that I may gain Christ. (Phil. 3:4-8) 

He forgot the lower, for the higher. There are a lot of nice things in this world, and a whole lot more that looks like it would be nice, but Paul said, “if it is one or the other, those things or Christ, I consider them (“all things”) to be ‘refuse, that I may gain Christ.’”

Conclusion

            Sometimes forgetting can be a bad thing, but not always. There are things we should not forget, but there are also things that we should. I hope that this lesson will help us to know the difference between the two, and that we will make the effort to remember to be grateful, the good that we hear, and the cleansing from our old sins, while forgetting past injuries, the past that will hinder us in the present, and the lower for the higher.

           If you are still holding on to the things of this life, or maybe holding on to something that is keeping you from obeying the gospel, will you let go of it today? Christ has gone on before us, He has made the way available to us, and He has invited us to come. He stands waiting, with His hand reaching down toward us, offering salvation to us, if you will just reach up to Him with yours and put your faith in Him so that He can lift you out of spiritual death and eternal damnation, and give you a place with Him. Will you accept His invitation today? Will you make up your mind today, once and for all, that you are not going to live in rebellion to God any longer and live in faithful obedience to Him from now on? Will you confess your faith in Christ before man? Will you be baptized for the remission of your sins? If you are willing, please do it today, before it’s too late.