The Wife As A “Help Meet”

For Her Husband

            Two Sunday evenings ago we studied The Man and His Family: A Biblical Perspective. This evening we are going to be considering women and their role in the home as a “help meet.” In our lesson two weeks ago, the main point I was trying to teach was that man has a certain role that he is to fulfill in the family. The Bible teaches us that he has a role to fulfill as a man, he has a role to fulfill as a husband, and he has a role to fulfill as a father. Man is not free to define his own roles that he will fulfill because God has already determined those for him. Similarly, the woman has her own roles that she is to fulfill as a woman, as a wife, and as a mother. Just as a man cannot define his own roles for himself, neither can the woman. God created the woman for a reason and put her here to serve a purpose. She has a responsibility then to go to her Creator to find out why she is here and what God intends for her to do, just as the man does. If she enters into marriage, she is entering into an arrangement instituted by God and governed by His laws. It is not a man-made institution and man is not free to define it or set its boundaries as he chooses, that has already been done by God. So, when it comes to marriage, the woman must go to God to find out what marriage is and what her role in that institution is to be, just as the man. And, just as God defines the role of a father, He also defines the role of a mother, and we must fulfill those roles in those ways. So, rather than preaching, basically, the same sermon as last time, but taking out the man and putting in the woman, we are going to build upon that foundation that has already been laid and with the understanding that she does have particular roles to fulfill. In this lesson, we will learn about her role as a “help meet” for her husband.

            Let’s go back now to Genesis 2:18-24 and see what it says:

And Jehovah God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. And out of the ground Jehovah God formed every beast of the field, and every bird of the heavens; and brought them unto the man to see what he would call them: and whatsoever the man called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And the man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the heavens, and to every beast of the field; but for man there was not found a help meet for him. And Jehovah God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof: and the rib, which Jehovah God had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

            God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” If we were to just look at that statement by itself, it would be literally telling us that it wasn’t good for Adam to be by himself. But, as we continue reading, we see that out of the ground God formed all of the animals of the field and in the air and brought them before Adam to be named and of the animals there was not a help meet, or a companion suitable for him. It was after that that God caused Adam to go into a deep sleep and took a rib from his side and formed the woman for him. So, what was God’s solution to “it is not good that the man should be alone”? The answer was not found among the animals, and God did not create for him another man from the dust of the earth, but He formed a woman out of the rib taken from the man. So, to remedy the situation of Adam’s aloneness, God made Eve, a companion that was “meet”, or suitable, or on an equal level with Adam.

The Woman Was Made To Be A Special Companion For The Man

            Companionship can come in different forms. A dog may be a companion. A sibling may be a companion. A close friend may be a companion. But, for the man, a woman is to be a special type of companion that can be matched by no other. I had a bird before I met Karla and that bird gave me a little bit of company, but that bird was nothing like a woman. All of those animals that God created and brought before Adam were just not up to the same level as a woman. And, no other person, sibling or friend, is the same as a wife. The kind of companion that Adam needed was one that was equal to him by nature, and fulfills the one-flesh relationship of a wife. He needed someone who could be an extension of himself, “bone of his bones, and flesh of his flesh.” In First Corinthians 11:9 we find that the woman was created for the man. Why? One reason is that she is to be a special companion for him.

            Companionship is such a real need for mankind, and loneliness can be so painful, that man has recognized isolation from other human beings as a form of punishment. Sometimes prisoners are put into solitary confinement where they are prevented from having normal interaction with other human beings. I watched a documentary about pirates not to long ago that said that they used to maroon people on islands as a cruel punishment for them. Putting a young child in “time out” where he has to spend time by himself is a way to punish the child for bad behavior. Every now and then a person may need to be alone for a short time to relax and recover from a stressful situation maybe, but eventually, we all need time with other people that we can interact with, and other people that are on our level (a young child cannot provide the adult interaction that an adult needs).

            There was a movie that came out probably 7 or 8 years ago called, Cast Away. You may have seen it. It had Tom Hanks in it and it is about him being stranded by himself on an island. During the course of the movie he becomes so lonely and desperate for human companionship that he puts a face on the side of volleyball. Then he named the volleyball Wilson and you see him talking to it and treating it as if it were a real person. I’ve been told that that can really happen. A person can become so starved for companionship that he will start talking to himself or to inanimate objects in order to satisfy that need. We need companionship and for Adam, God formed Eve.

            Even though a person may be married, that still does not guarantee companionship. If a spouse is antagonistic rather than complementary, and hateful rather than loving, the need for companionship will still be left unfulfilled. There is to be a unity of the man and woman in marriage that goes far beyond living in the same house together. Let’s see what the Scriptures have to say along these lines. “A worthy woman is the crown of her husband; But she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones” (Pr. 12:4). “A foolish son is the calamity of his father; And the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping” (Pr. 19:13). “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, Than with a contentious woman in a wide house” (Pr. 21:9). “It is better to dwell in a desert land, Than with a contentious and fretful woman” (Pr. 21:19). “A continual dropping in a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike” (Pr. 27:15). That’s some pretty plain language. But, not only is the wife to be an intimate companion to her husband, but she is to be a complementary companion to him. A wife that is antagonistic, always fighting and complaining, is not going to be the companion for her husband that God intended for her to be, or the kind of companion that he needs.

Going back again to our text in Genesis 2:18-24, what else can we learn about the wife as a “help meet” for her husband?

The Woman Was Made To Be A Help To Her Husband

            God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help…” (Gen. 2:18). Adam called her “woman” (2:23), but God said she was to be a helper; the woman was made to help the man. That does not mean that she is to be a slave to the man, or less than the man. She is by nature, equal to the man; he is a human being and she is also a human being, but she does not have the same role as a man. In Genesis 3:16 it says, “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy pain and thy conception; in pain thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” It is the husband’s role to be the head and spiritual leader of his family; it is the wife’s role to a supportive fellow-worker. He needs someone who is going to be working with him and not against him; if she is working against him then she is not much help.

            Unfortunately, the husband is not always what he should be. The husband is not always a Christian and will not always lead his family in the right direction, and in that case, the wife cannot support and help her husband in something that goes against the will of God. Paul said, “wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands.” Yes, that’s right. But, then he gives the manner in which that is to be done: “as unto the Lord” (Eph. 5:22). When it comes between listening to her husband or listening to the Lord, the Lord comes first. I heard of a story one time about a man who forbade his wife to go to church service. So, one morning when she started out the door to go to church he put a gun in her face and told her she wasn’t going. She said, “you do what you have to do, but I’m going to church.” And with that, she turned and walked out the door. There are times when a wife just cannot help and support her husband because it would be wrong to do so, but if he is a Christian, and he is trying to fulfill his roles as a husband and a father, and leading his family in the right direction, the wife must help and support him in that effort; that is her biblical role as a wife.

            It is not necessary for her to be a housewife, but the wife and mother does have her roles to fulfill as a mother to her children and keeper of the home. There is nothing wrong with a woman who works outside of the home, but her priorities are with her home and her family. Look at what Paul told Titus over in Titus 2:1-5,

But speak thou the things which befit the sound doctrine: that aged men be temperate, grave, sober-minded, sound in faith, in love, in patience: that aged women likewise be reverent in demeanor, not slanderers nor enslaved to much wine, teachers of that which is good; that they may train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sober-minded, chaste, workers at home, kind, being in subjection to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

And in First Timothy 2:13-15:

For Adam was first formed, then Eve; and Adam was not beguiled, but the woman being beguiled hath fallen into transgression: but she shall be saved through her child-bearing, if they continue in faith and love and sanctification with sobriety.

That’s not saying that the act of childbearing is what saves a woman. That would mean that she would have to have children in order to be saved! What it is saying, is that instead of taking the leadership role and trying to fill the role of the man, if the woman will fulfill her own roles as a wife, mother, and worker in the home, while remaining faithful to the Lord, then she will be saved. If she fills the role of the man instead, then she is sinning by doing so. Also, if the woman neglects her roles as a wife, mother, and keeper of the home, then who is going to do those things that she is not doing? If the husband decides to swap roles with the wife, then their both doing the wrong things. The man is to be the husband and father, while the wife is to be the mother and wife, and everything that is involved with each of those terms according to the Bible. The husband is the leader and provider of the home while the wife is the supporter and helper. Those are the roles that God has given to each.

            There is, perhaps, no better example of this than what we find in Proverbs 31, with the virtuous woman. It paints a picture of what it means to be a help meet better than anything else I know of.

            The first quality of this woman is that she her husband is able to have confidence in her because of her hard work. “The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of gain” (Pr. 31:11). While he is out trying to “provide for his own,” she is not sitting idly by, but she is also busy and working, doing the things that she is able to do to help.

            A second quality that we see in this woman is that she is committed to her marriage and to her home. “She doeth him good and not evil all the days of her life” (vs. 11).

            Third, we see also in this chapter that she is a diligent worker; she is not someone who is afraid to get her hands dirty, and she doesn’t wait around for it to be done for her.

She seeketh wool and flax, And worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchant-ships; She bringeth her bread from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth food to her household, And their task to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it; With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She perceiveth that her merchandise is profitable; Her lamp goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the distaff, And her hands hold the spindle. She is not afraid of the snow for her household; For all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh linen garments and selleth them, And delivereth girdles unto the merchant. She looketh well to the ways of her household, And eateth not the bread of idleness. (Pr. 31:13 -16, 18-19, 21, 24, 27)

            The fourth quality of this woman, is that while she does all of these other things, she does not neglect herself and her own needs. “She girdeth her loins with strength, And maketh strong her arms” (vs. 17). She also dresses in a way that is appropriate to the esteem she has for her self, and of her own self worth. “She maketh for herself carpets of tapestry; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.”

            Fifth, she was concerned for the needy. “She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy” (vs. 20).     

            Sixth, she has a strong value system. “Strength and dignity are her clothing; And she laugheth at the time to come” (vs. 25).

            Seventh, she has a high standard of speaking, which is reflective of where her mind and heart is. “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And the law of kindness is on her tongue” (vs. 26).

            It can not be said of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 that she was in any way lacking in her cooperative work in the home and as a help meet for her husband. Surely her “price is far above rubies” and she “excellest them all” (vs. 10, 29). “Her children rise up, and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praiseth her…” (vs. 28). “Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; But a woman that feareth Jehovah, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her works praise her in the gates” (vs. 30-31).

            She is a companion and fellow-worker with her husband, and she is also a co-heir with him of eternal life.

The Woman Was Made Equal With Man

            The woman should never be looked upon as somehow inferior to the man. If anything, she is made better than the man. He was created from the dust of the earth, but she was made from part of the man. Someone said, “she is twice refined.” Paul said she is the “glory of the man” (1 Cor. 11:7). What a wonderful passage we find in Galations 3:26-28,

For ye are all sons of God, through faith, in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ did put on Christ. There can be neither Jew nor Greek, there can be neither bond nor free, there can be no male and female; for ye all are one man in Christ Jesus.

            We can find a great example of this equality that exists in Christ between husband and wife in Aquila and Priscilla.

Salute Prisca and Aquila my fellow-workers in Christ Jesus, who for my life laid down their own necks; unto whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles: and salute the church that is in their house. Salute Epaenetus my beloved, who is the first-fruits of Asia unto Christ. (Ro. 16:3-4)

Priscilla was as valuable to Paul as Aquila was, and both were equally valued by God also. Whenever the Scriptures address the man being over the woman, it is in relation to the function of the two genders, not to their being equal or otherwise in their standing before God. Jesus is, by nature, equal to the Father, both are Diety (cf. Heb. 1:3, Jn. 1:1), but He was subject to the Father for the good of humanity in the schemem of redemption (cf. Heb. 10:7-10). In like fashion, both the man and the woman are co-heirs together in Christ of eternal life, but the role that the woman fills is one that requires her to be in submission to her husband (cf. 1 Cor. 11:3). The idea that submitting to someone means that you are somehow inferior to them is just not true. The man is not better than the woman, he just does not have the same role as a husband that the woman does as a wife.

Conclusion

            Marriage is work, but at the same time, it is a great blessing. Like Proverbs 18:22 says, “whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, And obtaineth favor of Jehovah.” That’s not just true for one spouse, but for both. Marriage is supposed to be a blessing and not a curse. When a married couple works at their marriage and he makes up his mind that he is going to be the husband that he is supposed to be, and she is going to be the wife that she is supposed to be, it is a tremendous blessing for both and they will be a blessing to each other. But, when one, or both, of them are unwilling to be the spouse that he or she ought to be, both are going to suffer because of it; the marriage is going to suffer, and the family is going to suffer. Having a good and successful marriage begins with being a good spouse, which means that we be the husband or wife that God has told us that we should be.

            So, as far as this lesson is concerned, coming from Genesis chapter 2, Eve was made to be a help meet for her husband, Adam. She was to be an intimate and complementary companion to him. She was made to be a helper and fellow-worker with her husband. She was made equal to her husband, a help “meet” for him, and a co-heir together with him of eternal life.

(Much of this lesson has been adapted from: "The Biblical View Of Woman As Man's Helper". Do You Understand The Biblical View Of Man? Sain Publications: Pulaski, TN. 2008. 271)